Saturday, November 17, 2012

An Update on how my junior year is going

it's been a while
and since i've been so busy lately, i've kinda forgot how liberating it is to blog again
or is just liberating to listen to mariachi music?
because i'm doing that right now haha

nevertheless, as for my writing dilema, i've looked back at some of my old stuff (and noticed all the bad grammar) and started to read more of the Time magazines that i've subscribed to
writing is a scary thing for me now
before it was enjoyable
just another thing that changed for the worst
it's difficult for me to formulate how i'm going to write stuff
and when i force myself, i find that everything is incoherent and chunky
damn damn damn, as that speech doctor said in My Fair Lady

of course i mean formal writing, not this kind of writing lol

in general, things are getting better
i feel better
not great, but just a little bit better
still nervous all the time though, still a little panicked too
i've mastered myself a little now though
yes there is progress, but just a "little"
not really sure exactly what i'm talking about here
i don't know if there's an actual term for this
let's just put it as the weight i feel constantly in my chest, and occasionally my mind

and a "better" note, I watched Argo, that was a good thing
the movie was pretty good and the teacher made me explain it to the class and at the end she made everyone clap for me and saying what a good summary of a movie it was
Thanks....i guess? lol

maybe moving to Texas or something wasn't such a bad idea after all....i wouldn't be in this damn school
ugh...i shouldn't be swearing so much now, i've read that it doesn't help
but i can't help but do it anyway
though i'm trying

everything seems like such a great task
even the little things
and even when i'm doing anything i feel that weight
all the time

i hanged out with my friend on friday, that helped
being with friends help
and i mean hanging out with them
not talking about grades with them

went to my first tutor session today
payed a lot for that class
i've never needed a tutor before, especially with math
well now i know that there's a first for everything
just hopes it works tho

i can't really complain out there
i can but you'll also get judged for those who try to "help" you
i can only do it here in such the way i want, as i have done many times before

things will get better
things will get better
things will get better
they have to

i get used to it, but i can't get over it
feel kinda disconnected to everything

it's just a phase
it's just a phase
it's just a phase

scared all the time

well one good thing happened today, i finally got adobe photoshop (for free haha)
deleted the exclamation mark because it seemed out of place here lol
ah well, i'll just replace it with this:

I beat the system!
eh, i'll keep the exclamation mark

everything will be fine
everything will be fine
everything will be fine
it has to







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