well....it's that time of the year again: me writing after a long time
actually considering before, this isn't that much of a hiatus
now that finals are over, i've finally got time to do nothing
first day of break, i found myself super tired maybe because after a long time of not doing any work, i find it hard trying to go back to being lazy
strange, because i remember the whole time when i was studying like hell for tests, i was wishing just 5 mins of absolutely no stress whatsoever
well....after i encountered by "tired of doing nothing" phase once break began, i realized that there is still stress
except this stress although it doesn't make me wake up like a zombie everyday, it does still stress me out except on a different level...this is what happens to you when you sit down and think too much
the problem is.....my future
the question is....what the hell am i going to do for the rest of my life?
you know, i'm a hypocrite, i'll admit it
i've written articles about "be yourself" and "don't worry about the future"
well...look at me now
i literally have to force myself to "be myself"
i've written about articles where people are doing volunteer stuff and they already have tons of hours but they are only volunteering for the hours and that they don't really care about tree planting or what not
and that was me, i didn't care about tree planting or making hot dogs at Stanford concessions during a football game, and that's why i quit doing volunteering because that's something i'm not passionate about
and i'm still that way
and that's still my answer when somebody asks me why i'm not doing volunteering
but lately my friends and my family are pressuring me to do it because if i don't then colleges won't like that and i'm not going to go to a good college
everything seems to rest on that now: going to a good college
i'm not saying it's bad but.....should i do volunteering again?
it's taken a lot of self therapy to ask myself that question let alone blog about it because i've been beating around the bush with that one....
right now i have a job as my art teacher's assistant (which i can only go on Sundays for one hour...yea i know that small) which i like...even though it's turning out to be like working at a day care center (i had to make this kid blow into a kleenex...that i was holding)
i like writing but i haven't had the time
i'm in speech and debate and i'm working on a piece right now.....but it just doesn't seem enough compared to what everybody else is doing (SAT classes, volunteering, etc.)
all i can constantly think is that time is running out
i used to be a middle school and think i still got time...and now i've got to wake up
well....i'm in my sophomore year and i feel like that i've got to do something extraordinary RIGHT NOW
and if i don't, i missed the uphill climb that seems to only come about right now
yea i know i'm being manipulated by the system, follow the formula like everyone else and then you'll get into a good college...should i follow the formula? yea any "feel-good movie of the year" would say that the answer is NO....but this is reality...and i feel that it's about to crush me
but you know when you know your doing something that you're telling yourself is not right but you do it anyway?
yea that's me now...in no man's land
everybody seems to be doing something
and i feel like i've been doing squat
actually considering before, this isn't that much of a hiatus
now that finals are over, i've finally got time to do nothing
first day of break, i found myself super tired maybe because after a long time of not doing any work, i find it hard trying to go back to being lazy
strange, because i remember the whole time when i was studying like hell for tests, i was wishing just 5 mins of absolutely no stress whatsoever
well....after i encountered by "tired of doing nothing" phase once break began, i realized that there is still stress
except this stress although it doesn't make me wake up like a zombie everyday, it does still stress me out except on a different level...this is what happens to you when you sit down and think too much
the problem is.....my future
the question is....what the hell am i going to do for the rest of my life?
you know, i'm a hypocrite, i'll admit it
i've written articles about "be yourself" and "don't worry about the future"
well...look at me now
i literally have to force myself to "be myself"
i've written about articles where people are doing volunteer stuff and they already have tons of hours but they are only volunteering for the hours and that they don't really care about tree planting or what not
and that was me, i didn't care about tree planting or making hot dogs at Stanford concessions during a football game, and that's why i quit doing volunteering because that's something i'm not passionate about
and i'm still that way
and that's still my answer when somebody asks me why i'm not doing volunteering
but lately my friends and my family are pressuring me to do it because if i don't then colleges won't like that and i'm not going to go to a good college
everything seems to rest on that now: going to a good college
i'm not saying it's bad but.....should i do volunteering again?
it's taken a lot of self therapy to ask myself that question let alone blog about it because i've been beating around the bush with that one....
right now i have a job as my art teacher's assistant (which i can only go on Sundays for one hour...yea i know that small) which i like...even though it's turning out to be like working at a day care center (i had to make this kid blow into a kleenex...that i was holding)
i like writing but i haven't had the time
i'm in speech and debate and i'm working on a piece right now.....but it just doesn't seem enough compared to what everybody else is doing (SAT classes, volunteering, etc.)
all i can constantly think is that time is running out
i used to be a middle school and think i still got time...and now i've got to wake up
well....i'm in my sophomore year and i feel like that i've got to do something extraordinary RIGHT NOW
and if i don't, i missed the uphill climb that seems to only come about right now
yea i know i'm being manipulated by the system, follow the formula like everyone else and then you'll get into a good college...should i follow the formula? yea any "feel-good movie of the year" would say that the answer is NO....but this is reality...and i feel that it's about to crush me
but you know when you know your doing something that you're telling yourself is not right but you do it anyway?
yea that's me now...in no man's land
everybody seems to be doing something
and i feel like i've been doing squat
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