somewhere in heaven....

WARNING: THIS POST (obviously) HAS SOME STUFF THAT MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME PEOPLE. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I DON'T MEAN IT TO BE



i've always wondered as many had before me if there was actually a god
a real christian god
or catholic....or jewish....or allah
so this is wat i imagined if there was actually one








somewhere in heaven....


god is looking down at the ground and looking at the people

"dear god (me). look at these muslims. these christians. these jews. all fighting in the name of me"

"i dunno wat happened when i was making these humans."

mary appears

"i think you added an extra kilogram of stupidity"

GOD: no no....it was the weather....all cloudy and rainy - a bad omen.

there was a silence as they kept on looking at the earth

GOD: remember the crusades?

MARY: o yea that was gruesome. and they say that it was for a holy reason - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

god looks at her

MARY: sorry...it sorta got on to me

GOD: i sent my own son to down there to tell them to love and they've given me the crusades

MARY: the iraq war

GOD: and all the civil wars - haven't i made it clear that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL?

MARY: i think you need to talk your son

GOD: yea....JESUS CHRIST, YOU GET HERE THIS SECOND

JESUS: yes father

GOD: look down there, what do you see?

jesus looks down there and then looks back at his dad confused

JESUS: i see...uh...jay leno premier show

GOD: no no!

jesus starts to sweat

JESUS: i see a little girl on the sidewalk, uh.....a senator shouting liar....kenye west - well i think you know that one....and a knife -

GOD: exactly, knife is like gun and gun is like machine gun...and all of these leads up to war!
i sent you to love one another.....i dunno if you read something wrong (because your reading was always something you had trouble with) but now the only thing that can go through these homo sapiens is WAR

they've even made movies on LOVE AND WAR and if you ask me, these are two things that never go togeth -

mary decided to step in before things got out of hand
MARY: wat your father and i are trying to say, we have put too much stupidity in them

god waved her down
jesus was now sweating more than ever

GOD: we put adam and eve down there first to see wat happens. but i was a pansy to take them back so i gave them a second chance

JESUS: b-but you told me to preach and i did. and i swear to you that i didn't do anything wrong

GOD: years of putting you through school and then i end up with this....this is one package that cant be stimulated

god was getting more and more frustrated
and jesus was determined to make him see that he didn't do anything wrong
mary left them to kill each other

JESUS: look dad, i did everything i could -

god had enough

GOD: JESUS CHRIST JESUS! i dont need anymore of it

jesus winced

JESUS: dad! i told you not to swear!

GOD: don't worry son, your name's not the only one to be a swear word